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DEAR DEIDRE

I wasn’t devastated when I found out my wife was cheating with the plumber – it turned me on

DEAR DEIDRE: MOST men would be devastated to find out their wife had been cheating. Not me – I’ve never been so turned on in all my life.

I’m 46, my wife is 42 and we’ve been together for 17 years.

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I wasn't devastated when I found out my wife was cheating - it turned me on

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I love my wife but I had accepted our sex life was over long ago. The same old routine gets boring after a while.

Two months ago we employed a plumber to help install our new kitchen.

But his progress seemed slow. I thought he might be one of those dodgy tradesmen — taking ages to finish a job to get more money out of me.

So last month I bought a spy camera, designed to look like a smoke alarm. I didn’t tell my wife. I didn’t want to worry her.

One evening, after work, I watched the footage back from that day — and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

There was the plumber having sex with my wife on our kitchen counter. But my initial anger turned into an overwhelming state of arousal.

I found it incredibly hot to see this man — who was clearly bigger than me downstairs — pleasuring my wife.

So, rather than confronting her, I’m ashamed to say I kept the footage for my own pleasure.

For the next couple of weeks, I enjoyed watching my wife cheat on me again and again with the tradesman.

But now it’s all stopped. Our kitchen is finished and so has their affair. My spy camera hasn’t picked up anything for weeks.

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I want to tell my wife about my dirty little secret, and encourage her to have more flings as long as she lets me watch.

But what if she thinks it’s weird? Maybe I should just bottle up this freaky side of me.

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DEAR DEIDRE

I caught my married male friend being pleasured by another man

DEIDRE SAYS: There’s no need to feel ashamed about your cuckold fetish.

Some men are aroused by the thought of seeing another man have sex with their partner.

My support pack, Fetish Worries, will help you understand this.

But when this becomes real life and not just a fantasy, there are risks involved. Your partner could well fall for one of these men.

And I am concerned about the deceit on both sides of your relationship: Your wife has deceived you with her affair, and you are deceiving her by watching her on a hidden camera.

Start by telling your wife what you discovered and explain that your reaction wasn’t predictable.

This will be a difficult conversation but your relationship has no future unless you start talking to one another.

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THE OTHER WOMAN

I'm convinced that my boyfriend would get back with his ex if he could

I recommend that you both go for counselling to resolve the conflicts in your marriage.

Contact Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1975, tavistockrelationships.org).

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